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One day I will run a trashy tabloid. Until then, this will have to suffice.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Guide to the Jessicas

( By Barry Koltnow The Orange County Register ) I have devised a ``Guide to the Jessicas'' that may help get you through the summer movie season without banging your head against the wall in frustration. Here are the Jessicas as you've never known them, or perhaps you thought you knew them, only it turns out that you were thinking of one of the other Jessicas. JESSICA SIMPSON, 24, is a Texas native and singer-turned actress who married Nick Lachey from the boy group 98 Degrees. They were thrust into the white-hot celebrity spotlight not for their singing careers, but for a cable TV show called ``Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica.'' Nick's George Burns-like patience and Jessica's Gracie Allen-like dimwit act was infectious, and the couple became instant first-name celebrities. Nick's first-name status is not really a problem since Nicolas Cage (he goes by ``Nic'') is getting a little old for this silliness and pretty much keeps to himself. JESSICA BIEL, 23, hails from Minnesota and got her start on the television show ``7th Heaven.'' She made a name for herself (but not a first name) about 20 minutes into the movie ``Summer Catch,'' when she climbed out of a swimming pool and into the hearts of millions of men. She hasn't been much of a tabloid target, but her beauty and body of work (''The Rules of Attraction,'' ``Blade: Trinity'') has brought her enough notice that she has become one of the first-name Jessicas. JESSICA ALBA, 24, is a California girl who also made her reputation on a television show (''Dark Angel''). She became a ``Jessica'' with a slow-motion striptease in the hip film ``Sin City.'' There is nothing like slow-motion to hasten the rise from full-name celebrity to first-name-only celebrity. [OC Register]


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